


The Irony of Love (DISCONTINUED)

by Gavala



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A lot of character are going to die or are dead, Demon Dave, Demonstuck, F/F, F/M, It starts out with hate and its mostly just hate for awhile but that's fine, Jane is also dead, M/M, Spoilers Im pretty sure its going to be one of THOSE stories, Think supernatural demons but more cannibalistic and feral at times, boiiii, dad egbert is dead, dave is a different type of demon but im working on that ;), dave is totally a flirt but he's trying his best not to with john since johns a hunter, hate/love, id like to add smut later but im not sure, john comes around sometime, killed by a demon known as the Condesce, oh btw rose is a dream demon, rose really doesnt like john and then shes chill but idk shes a moody bitch in this one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-22 01:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7412278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gavala/pseuds/Gavala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and his family have been demons for almost a century. He, unlike his family, has turned away and shunned the life of cannibalistic hunt and gruesome murder.  He would preferably like to live as normal as possible, even if that meant wearing sunglasses to hide his demonic features, and try to make the most out of his near immortal time on Earth.<br/>However, one night when he and his family had been hiding out in Oregon on terms with the Vantas' bloodline,  a Demon hunter planned his family's murder.</p><p>John Was orphaned at a very young age when a demon slipped into his home at the dead of night. Ever since then, he and his Uncle and Cousin have lived in the forested mansion deep in the heart of Oregon, traveling to different jobs around the country when called upon, and trained to kill monsters that threatened his family, or the lives of others.<br/>he had received word on a group of people  who had been hiding out in a nearby town- where murders have been taking place.<br/>While set on killing what he had been taught were 'monsters,' he was trapped by a red eyed demon by the name of Dave Strider.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1 - Demons are assholes, Let's be honest here.

**Author's Note:**

> Yo, I'm Gav and welcome to the Demonstuck that I've been writing for awhile now.. (It's literally been almost a year and I've only produced 6 chapters ;-;) Anyways, This is a rewrite and I promise it won't take a whole year to get up to the point that the original story is on!  
> Anyways yeah, I hope you like it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John fucks up big time on a solo demon hunting job. After such a big screw up, he is positive he's dead by dawn. However a certain red eyed demon has a much less bloody agenda with the hunter.

#  The Irony of Love 

A dark, chilling feeling ran up John's Spine. His eyes darted from place to place, reacting to the smallest of movements that could make, or break his entire life. His breath hitched slightly, a feeling racing though his thoughts, outshining any sense of safety. He could feel the piercing taunts of something.. No- _Someone_ as they watched closely, burning into John's insecurity as he crept further into the warehouse.

He made his way up against one of the many towers of boxes that lined the room, and then pulled the gun from its holster. A thin layer of sweat lined his collar, his heart pounding loudly. He was trained for this.. So why was he so nervous?

"My oh my look what we have here, brother of mine." A calmed voice said. "He's so nervous, you can feel his heartbeat from all the way up here, yes?" His head immediately darted to the crossbeams, two pairs of eyes staring directly at him, glowing brightly in the pitch dark surroundings.

"No shit, he breathes like an animal." A second, smooth voice rang. "Would you, by chance, be the reason he's shaking so much?" He taunted. John refocused, noticing that he _was_ in fact shaking very violently. "He seems rather ill from what I can sense."

"Why brother dear, are you implying that I'm toying with his thoughts? How rude..." The other voice said sarcastically. "I would never play the brain of such a disgustingly low creature like a _hunter_ " A cynical chuckle left her lips before she dropped from the beams above. Her footsteps had a distinctive 'click' as she approached near his nook. John tried to relax, holding his breath and not daring to move an inch.

"My oh my, Seems like little hunter boy thinks he can hide.." The girl spoke again. The footsteps nearing closer and closer with each painful second.. Oh God.. _'Why was I so scared? What the Hell was going on?"_ He started to back up slowly, readying his gun.

"Wrong move." The girl suddenly shot, appearing just behind John. In a surprised jump he immediately had the gun to her face, about to pull the trigger before she disappeared again. "Think you can kill us, now don't you, fresh meat?" She sneered, taking a running start towards him from out of nowhere. 

"Eat shit you demon!" John said, darting off away from the girl quickly. In his jog he fumbled to ready a vial of holy water- just in time as the girl appeared again. Her twisted smile showed a long, and dangerous, pair of fangs. Her pale features were clear in that moment, her slim frame and dark lipstick. What caught John's attention most was the blisteringly bright purple eyes that were laced with a strong hatred. Small horns topped her blonde bob. She quickly slashed at John, and in a quick dodge he slammed into her stomach, knocking her back. She then kicked him down to the ground as well, getting up before he could even react. 

"See what happens when you mess with a dream demon?" She dug her heel into his stomach and laughed as he winced.

Suddenly remembering the vial, he splashed the water on her, scrambling to his feet and doing a complete 180 in the other direction. The demon behind him screeched in pain, flicking the liquid from her irritated skin. John didn't stop to check for the other demon, and made mad dash for higher ground. He could hear a slam as if the other demon had fallen from the crossbeams. "Come and get me you hell scum!" He taunted, finger on the trigger and ready to fire.

The other demon- from what John could see- was by his sister, helping her up from her apparent collapse. Both demons then disappeared, flashing from one side of the room to the other. "You little shit, think you can get away with hurting my family, huh?" The guy seethed. John couldn't get a good look at the demon, but had a good feel for his strength, as he was slammed into the wall, with hands around his neck tightly gripping him unconscious. He dropped the gun, trying to move his hands up to release some pressure so he could breath. "I got the hunter Rose, go check in on Mom and Bro." He muttered, much calmer than seconds ago. The purple eyed demon, whom he assumed to be Rose, disappeared, leaving him to fall unconscious to the demons choke.

\-----

Oh- oh God.. Where was he? What the Hell was going on..? Johns vision was blurry, and all he could tell was that it was dark where ever he was. He croaked, trying to form words, but only a scratchy gasp was allow to leave. 

"So sleeping beauty finally awakens.. took you long enough." As Johns vision focused he could make out a figure. It was the demon who had totally wrecked you.. yesterday? What time was it? "Don't strain yourself to much bucko, you're tired to a chair." The figure shifted, the sound of fabric moving across the room. John squinted at the sudden brightness as the light flickered on, leaving his eyes to adjust even _more_. "Wow I really did a number to your neck.." He said, no real emotion rather than the smooth, slightly sarcastic tone to his words. 

"Where-" He mumbled, trying to focusing on the pale demon infront of him. He wasn't as pale as his sister, but definitely much more pale than him. Platinum blonde hair lined his long slender face, a pair of aviators covering his eyes. "You.. what the hell is going on?!" John suddenly gained his strength and consciousness back, struggling as the rope binds scratched at his skin. 

"Like I said, don't push yourself." He smirked and pulled a chair over to face him, sitting down and crossing his arms. "By the while, my name isn't 'You'" He sounded bitter. "It's Dave Strider."

"Whatever, you're a demon, so why the Hell should I even _look_ at you." he turned his head closed his eyes.

"You act very... childish." Dave said, allowing a long sigh to escape. "If you're being serious then I would highly recommend an attitude change, Hunter, I'm your only way out of this box." He gestured to the ropes and then to the cutters he had lying on the counter just in arms length from him. 

John took a minute before turning his head back to him. "What do you even want in exchange then? I'm sure as hell not giving up my soul." He patronized. 

Dave quickly turned from his icy attitude and gave him a comical smirk, resting his head on his hand as he leaned forward. "No souls today, hunter boy, all you gotta do is answer my questions and I'll be happy to help you out." He leaned back and adjusted his shades. "It's the least you can do for me, since you, well, tried to kill me and my sister.."

"And if I don't?" John spat back.

"Then I guess.. I'll just have to let you starve in here, maybe leave you to the wolves." He shrugged and smiled. "All you have to do is answer the truth, and only the truth. I mean honestly, your freedom is worth a lot more but I'm not feeling up to any _real_ deals right now." 

John, still refusing to make eye contact, thought about spitting on Dave's shoe. Of course that would ultimately lead to him dying out here if he did anything stupid. Instead, he let his bright cerulean eyes draw up to his captor. 

Now that he had adjusted to the light, and the dizziness had fully stopped, he could see a number of scars littered across his arms. They didn't look like average accidental cuts.. or even the opposite. They looked like something had attacked him quite gruesomely, some fresher than others. He was tall too, slim and had a terrible posture. He had a very 'devil may care' expression, which was ironic as hell, and his cheeks were dusted lightly with freckles. 

"Fine. What do you want to know?" He said, raising his face as if a signal to start talking. Dave looked slightly surprised but his smirk widened at the opportunity he had.

"Well.." He paused, pretending to think deeply on the subject. "What's your name, hunter boy? I mean, you're bound to have a name right?"

"John." He replied quietly. "My name's John Egbert." 

Dave took a moment to laugh, a small smile opening as he chuckled. "Seriously? What's the deal with that name?" He leaned forward and let his smile drop back into a smirk. "Alright John Egdork. Where you from?"

John immediately groaned at the nickname. "You're a pain in my ass, you know that right?" He replied, shifting against the tight rope. "I lived in Washington before, then there was an accident. Now I live here in Oregon." He seemed to get quieter at the end of his sentence.

"What happened?"

John shivered at the thought, the scene was still vivid even after almost 10 years. "It's complicated.." He muttered lightly. "A demon broke in and murdered my dad, tried to kill me. That's all you'd need to know." His cold words were slow and disheartened.

"Alright.. John." Dave said, taking a moment before saying his real name. "One last question and I'll be happy to cut you free and point you to the closest town." He grabbed the cutters from behind he and tried to form a smirk after the small moment of somber conversation.

John stayed silent, shooting glares that could kill as Dave turned around for the cutters. The moment he got home he would get his cousin and come back to murder these asshats. 

"Egbert, stop with the evil look would ya? It's only one last question and your free." He took his shades off to reveal a brilliant crimson glow and he could finally read Dave's full expression: jack ass. 

"What? What next then? Wanna know my exact home address or something you prick?" He fell short on the last few words, realizing yet again, this guy was your only way out. 

Dave just sat back down and sighed, giving a very flirtatious grin that made John gag. "What's your number?"

John almost gagged, and was officially done. He was so done. "My _what?"_ He seethed.

"Your number, You know, on your cellphone?" Dave pointed to the smartphone sitting on the counter. "Pretty sure that's yours, it was in your pocket after all." He picked it up and turned it on, a password preventing him from going any further. "You don't think I'm going to let you escape back to your regularly scheduled program that easily? I wanna talk some more, when you aren't.. You know.. Tied up in a shack?" He laughed a little at his own comments and brought his red eyes to meet your blue.

"Ugh.. It's.." He didn't want to admit defeat, but dying wasn't on his agenda. "512 956-1133" He let out a loud exhale and watched Dave tap the number into his own phone, which in turn made John's phone buzz on the counter lightly.

Dave, whom seemed very satisfied, moved over to the chair to ready the cutters before pausing. "Just so you know, Egbert, if you kill me as soon as I cut this rope I will not stop you, but have fun trying to find civilization. It's at least a good three days walk to the closest road." His voice was a lot quieter and had a much more evil tone to at as he finished, clipping the ropes immediately after the last word.

John didn't move for a second, letting Dave back off before he stretched out and wobbled from the seat. Everything hurt. He grabbed his phone and tried to form any kind of manners for the demon. _The Demon._ He couldn't believe he was just standing there so casually with him, not guns or holy water at the ready. It wasn't a very _pleasing_ situation but far better than death by his standards.

"Okay.. Dave." He felt sick using his name. It felt unnatural to call him by anything other than Hell scum, asshat, or the like. "Could you.. _please_.. take me to the nearest town?" He practically forced the kindness out of the wall of hatred he had for the guy, demon, whatever.

Dave, without warning, smiled and took Johns hand. Which was, in custom to demon teleporting, vital if John didn't want to be left behind. However Dave felt the uneasy jerk as John involuntarily allowed him to take his hand. "Gladly." He said.

With that John opened his eyes to a very- well let's just say it was a sight.

"Where the hell are we?" John muttered, noting the road, and, nothing else.

"Disston, Oregon. If you head up the road that way you'll hit a ranch and then Dorena." He pat Johns back at smiled. "i said I'd take you to the nearest town. This is it. Good luck, Egdork!" the last word was cut off a little as Dave disappeared but John swore he could hear the laughter of the asshole that is, Dave fucking Strider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thats it! 1st chapter done  
> (whoo)  
> Anyways yeah! I'm hoping to get the next update out by next week but I'm going somewhere for the weekend so eheh..  
> tell me what you guys think so far!  
> Also sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes, even though english is my main language I'm still basically the worst so there you have it!  
> VwV -Gav


	2. Demons get really attached. It's annoying.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John is unable to rest at ease for even a day with Dave always calling and texting him at every waking moment. Not to mention every little thing about Dave literally sends John flying off the handle.

John wasn't one for keeping ties with people outside of his family. It wasn't his nature to get attached to people, especially after what had happened back in Washington. When he was in public school, he was always the 'odd one out' of the group and no one really got him. But that was fine with him, he didn't care about that or anything at all really...

With the exception of Revenge. Which was very important to him.

Of all people to get attached to him however, Dave 'the fucking prick' Strider. A demon with bright red eyes, a smirk that could kill all the ladies, all of them..

John had a very... Well let's just call it 'special' relationship with said demon. Special in the sense of Dave is clingy and has his number.. Which he got through interesting means after a run in during his hunt.

Dave literally texts him about 10 times every hour and is always sending him weird photos and memes.

He didn't even consider that demons could be like this, that is to say, meme loving jack-asses that basically get off to texting him 24/7. He also didn't consider that Dave ate fruit loops for breakfast and liked to take pictures of it and send them to him at 10 am sharp.

To put it simply, John was extremely annoyed. He wasn't used to this whole social thing and it was aggravating to say the least that it was a demon... A demon... The thing he swore to exterminate at his fathers grave. The very thing that put his father 6 feet underground in the first place.

However sadly, John found himself unable to block the number. Of course he'd say "fuck off," "eat shit," the normal things, but over the past couple of weeks he found himself less on edge about the dumb memes Dave's sent and more or less happy he's at least got something to come back to every time he returns from town or a job. Of course this is only a subconscious feeling and he still mutters "God dammit" every time the text tone plays.

John had just got back from his part time job when his phone buzzed loudly.

Since being a demon hunter wouldn't get the food on the table while Jake's pay check were just barely paying all the other bills in the house, he forced himself to work some small hours at a local joke shop, which allowed him to reminisce on his old past.

Jade, his cousin, worked part time too but had it easier since she was still attending public school. A demon hunter prodigy practically, with her sights absolutely pin point, And yet she refused to go full time. Always complaining how driven John was about the whole 'Revenege' thing.

John already knew it as Dave, the custom vibration that buzzed to the tune of "Jesus fucking Christ you can't leave me alone for 5 seconds can you?" As John pat down his pockets before begrudgingly taking it out and unlocking, his eyes rolled as they would normally do every other time he got a text from Dave.

 

Dave at 13:09 -Hey hey dude I just saw this meme on tumblr on my computer-

Dave at 13:09 -you need to see this-

Dave at 13:10 -dude I know you just got off from work I remember you schedule-

Dave at 13:11 -answer me johnny-

John at 13:12 -Jesus Christ shut up-

John at 13:12 -I don't care about your dumb memes-

John at 13:13 -also stop stalking my schedule that's fucked up-

 

John shut the phone off, tossing it onto the counter. He knew Dave well, he was a pretty open book when it came to his texting patterns. It was like a fight he could never win but but he still agrees to participate in. Dave would text John, John would yell at Dave, Dave would still send his dumb memes, John would subconsciously laugh at said memes while simultaneously trying to think of a witty comment to say to offend him.

This was the natural order of the world.

John took a moment to sigh, his shoulders slightly weighed down as he looked through his bag. Notebook, extra snack, gun, something they gave him from the joke shop as compensation when the kid accidentally shot a trick off at him in the eye. He didn't forget anything..

The hunter then picked up his phone again, not bothering to check the texts that he had discarded from "Asshat Mgee." Since it was Friday, that meant his extra money would go into tipping the barista at the coffee shop down the street while he worked on research, or filed the last hunts.

Of course Dave had to go and ruin it.

As soon as John sat down in the small shop, files in hand and laptop spread out on the table, he decided to check his texts. He hoped no one was looking over his shoulder, since the texts Dave sent were... Weird to say the least.

Dave at 13:14 - [file attached]

Dave at 13:14 - don't think I won't wait till you respond.

\---

John at 13:38 - Okay, yes. Great meme or whatever.

Dave at 13:38 - Jesus it took ya long enough to reply lmao

John at 13:39 - Sorry, I'm at a coffee shop right now. Jeez.

Dave at 13:39 - oh? Coffee shop you say.? Like Starbucks?

John at 13:40 - Sure I guess, some dumb off brand called Cool Beans though, it's actually pretty good. Not like demon shits like yourself can appreciate good coffee anyways.

Dave at 13:41 - lmao ok thanks

John at 13:41 - Why are you saying 'thanks?'

John at 13:45 - um Dave..?

John at 13:46 - What're doing now..

 

  
John wasn't sure what Dave meant but he didn't like it. Demons never seemed to be up to anything good.

He smiled politely as he walked up to the barista counter and grabbed his coffee, settling back in his favorite spot, just in the back booth away from other patrons.

' _Why did I screw up that mission..? Why didn't I just do what I was supposed to?_ ' The teen let out a sigh, a small chuckle tailing it. What did he even do during that hunt? It was probably that dream demon's fault for his actions. If he'd known that there would be a dream demon, he would've brought Jade or Jake along with him. Maybe then he'd of not been thrown into the constant struggle of being Dave's.. Texting buddy...

"Dave goddammit." He uttered coldly.

"You called?" A smooth, very annoying voice said suddenly. "I was waiting for you to cue my entrance." He walked out from behind him, pulling up a chair to face John. A wide smirk played across his lips and he had a once over of Johns' outfit.

"Never seen a hunter so hipster casual." He said simply, flicking Johns glasses lightly.

"Dave. What the hell are you doing here?" John said, trying to maintain a calm tone. "How did you know where I was?"

Dave laughed and snatched the coffee from Johns hand, taking a sip before coughing lightly. "You're right about one thing, I was never a fan of just pure black coffee. Too bitter if you ask me. You don't really seem the type either if I'm honest."

The hunter quickly took the cup back and wiped it, muttering. "You didn't answer my question."

The demon shifted, adjusting his shades before giving a light laugh. "I'm a demon John. Finding information that's hidden from me is kinda my job description to be honest. You were even dumb enough to practically give me the address."

John faltered slightly at Dave's lighthearted reply. "Well, why are you here? Anything you have to say you could've just texted me about. Isn't it a bit much to come all the way out here using your.. Weird.. Demon magic?"

"Well.." He paused. "I wanna see where my little hunter goes to hide out on his Friday afternoons." He dragged the coffee back over to his side and took another sip, continuing to lock his red eyes with blue.

"Well surprise, everyone needs a little peace and quiet. Also, I'm not your hunter, I was supposed to be your killer." He retorted, taking his coffee cup back to find Dave had drank the rest of the black liquid. He scowled lightly and averted Dave's gaze.

"Look how flawless that plan played out huh Egbork?" John jeered slightly and crumpled the paper cup, getting up suddenly.

"Leave me alone, asshole."

Dave laughed sarcastically, following John to the trash can. "And why would I do that Egbork? There's so many things I wanna talk about and do! Plus I mean, It's really boring at home. Rose is locked up in her room as per usual and my mom's in Virginia right now."

"Didn't you have an older brother too?" John dropped the cup in and stared at Dave, who punched his shoulder lightly.

"I didn't think you  _actually_ listened to anything I said! What with your usual responses of 'shut the fuck up Dave.' I just assumed those are remarks you make up on the spot to satisfy me... I'm impressed you remembered!" His rare genuine smile showed his fangs that suddenly reminded John that Dave was still technically  _the enemy._ He was almost having a normal conversation with.. it.

"Yeah whatever. Our conversations _are_ just a break for me to think about other shit. Those  _are_ just some random responses I type out so you'll shut up." He turned back to the table and started to put his stuff away quickly. His documents and papers getting shoved into the closed laptop for the time being as he tried to make a quick escape.

"Then.. How do you remember I have a brother? You would've only heard about him through me.." Dave piped up after a moment of silence as John continued to sort through the papers quickly.

"When I was hunting you and your family, they told me there were 4 demons. I wasn't listening to you. I was doing my  _job_. My reports described an older woman, a man in his 20's, and two teenagers. So I just assumed it was your older brother and not your mom's young boyfriend or something weird like that." John simply just had an answer for every thing that Dave simply just had a question for.  "Your conversations with me mean nothing more than a waste of perfectly good time I could be spending  _killing_ demons. Your kind killed my family, and I won't stop until I've avenged my father's death."

Dave suddenly gave John some space. Up until this point he had treated the relationship and conversations like jokes, pretending that John wasn't a sworn killer of Hell-Incarnate, but it seem to finally dawn on him that John was _very_ serious, and if they weren't in public, he would've killed him on the spot. Dave let out a nervous laugh, scratching his head to give his hand something to do in the awkward silence that had been in place. "I guess you're right." He said.

John didn't speak another word to the demon, and after he finally shoved the last folder into his bag, he walked away without a word. Not even bothering to look back and see the blonde that stood there, shocked into silence by his own stupidity and actions. A silence that John would soon find out, would last quite some time..

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowow I promised this chapter in SEPTEMBER!?  
> I hate my life tbh I'm sorry guys. School and band and clubs and cults take up EVERYTHING in my life I s2g  
> Anyways, here's another chapter ;) sorry I can't do those long chapters that take up like 74823 words and shit. (those authors I respect but also fear)  
> Things get a lil spici at the end but lil johnny boy comes round eventually. This is where the story deviates from the original bc im spici and wishi washi like that  
> Also happy belated halloweeen haha

**Author's Note:**

> Like I mentioned before, this is a rewrite, so if you want to read the original copy go on over to https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/43957707-the-irony-of-love-demonstuck-davejohn-currently-on-small-hiatusrewriting and it'll have a whopping 6 chapters out already!  
> (Though I would recommend waiting because the story was written almost a year ago so yeah..)
> 
> FUN FACT: Disston Oregon is actually a thing! It's a road just outside of the national forest.. So technically the shed they were in could actually exist. Dorena and the ranch also exist haaha  
> FUN FACT 2: If you call that number you'll have a bad time >;)  
> FUN FACT 3: The demon type i'm using is partially based off sn demons but different in a lot of ways.


End file.
